If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used. Parker Ehinger Jersey .- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. Randy Gregory Jersey . Speaking on TSN Radio 1050s TSN Drive with Dave Naylor on Monday, Colangelo said he had no intention of tanking the shortened 2011-12 season, but definitely wanted a high pick in the draft. "I wish that word wasnt used for headline reasons," said Colangelo, "but the story behind it was: how can we fix the system? How can we tweak the system to make it less likely that teams are rewarded for losing records? "I do believe that if youre as transparent as we were at the time - with our season seat holders, our fans, the market place and the media - everybody knew what the plan was and what we were going through. Lael Collins Jersey . Raonic, the mens No. 8 seed from Thornhill, Ont., needed more than three hours to overcome Frenchman Gilles Simon 4-6, 6-3, 2-6, 6-2, 7-5 and become the first Canadian man into the fourth round at Roland Garros. http://www.cheapcowboysjerseyssale.com/?tag=datone-jones-jersey-sale .C. -- When Michael Jordan speaks, people still listen.CHICAGO -- This time, Chris Sale had to rely on Chicagos lineup to get the win. Conor Gillaspie had a career-high four RBIs, leading Sale and the White Sox to a 9-6 victory over the Cleveland Indians on Friday. Sale (3-0) pitched five innings in his first win against Cleveland since May 1, 2012. The All-Star left-hander allowed three runs and six hits while throwing 105 pitches. Sale went 11-14 last year despite a 3.07 ERA. He also had four complete games, tying Tampa Bay star David Price for the AL lead. But he got a boost from his offence in his third start of this season. Leadoff hitter Adam Eaton had two hits and scored three times as the White Sox picked up their ace on a sluggish night. Chicago has scored 37 runs in its five home games this year. "I think if we keep doing what weve been doing and making strides in the right direction we can be a force, be a great team," Sale said. "Its fun to watch, I got to watch a lot of it tonight unfortunately." The White Sox have captured the first two games of their first series of the year against the Indians, who had a 17-2 record against Chicago last season. They play again on Saturday and Sunday. Indians starter Carlos Carrasco (0-2) was tagged for five runs and six hits in 4 2-3 innings. It was another shaky start for the right-hander, who allowed five runs in 5 2-3 innings of a 7-3 loss to Minnesota in his season debut. Cleveland pitching issued nine walks, including walking in two runs. Gillaspie hit a sacrifice fly in Chicagos two-run third inning, helping the White Sox build a 3-0 lead. Adam Dunn, who had two hits and walked twice, singled and scored on Alejandro De Azas base hit in the fourth. Sale, who went 0-4 with an 8.61 ERA in four starts against Cleveland in 2013, was unable to protect the lead. Asdrubal Cabrera had a two-run double in the fifth, and then scored the tying run on Nick Swishers single. But Clevelands pitching struggled throughout the game. "When you score and tie it up, yyou gotta go back out and take charge of the game," Indians manager Terry Francona said. Xavier Woods Jersey. "They just kept scoring every inning." The White Sox averaged 3.19 runs a game in Sales starts last season. "These guys are always tough on him," White Sox manager Robin Ventura said. "They were tough on him last (year) and for whatever reason they can foul off a lot of pitches. They probably see something off of him. I dont know what it is. You dont see that many teams foul that much off. He got up there with a high pitch count." The White Sox grabbed the lead for good in the fifth. Gillaspie singled in Eaton, and Carrasco was lifted for Marc Rzepczynski after striking out Jose Abreu for the second out of the inning. Rzepczynski walked Dunn to load the bases and then walked in a run as Dayan Viciedo came back from an 0-2 count to give the White Sox a 5-3 lead. "I thought Carlos in the fifth kind of slowed down his tempo, you could tell he was fighting some of his mechanics," Francona said. "Thats when we went to Zep and tried to snuff that out. Nothing, we couldnt put up a zero the rest of the way." Gillaspie committed an error in the sixth, allowing Michael Brantley to score, but he responded with a two-out, two-run double in the bottom half, making it 7-4. Alexei Ramirez added an RBI single for Chicago in the seventh. NOTES: OF Michael Bourn went 1 for 5 with a stolen base in his second rehab start for Double-A Akron. Francona said Bourn, who has yet to play this season with a left hamstring strain, would be examined after the game and though Bourn would prefer to return to the big leagues Sunday, Francona said the team may hold off due to the wet conditions expected that day. ... Indians DH Jason Giambi (broken rib) made his first rehab start for Akron. He was 0 for 2 with two strikeouts. ... The White Sox acquired OF Gorkys Hernandez from Kansas City for cash considerations and assigned him to Triple-A Charlotte. 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